


You Are Such An Idiot, Eren Jaeger

by Mayumi_chan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Best Friends, But Mostly Dumb, Comedy, Drabble, Eren Gets His Tongue Stuck to a Pole, Frenemies, Funny, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I Wrote This On My Phone, Instagram, Like An Idiot, M/M, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Roommates, Shared apartment, Short One Shot, Stupidity, Suuuper Short, Swearing, Teen+ For Swearing, This Is STUPID, Winter, hahaha, kind of cute?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 10:57:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5088010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayumi_chan/pseuds/Mayumi_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jean gets home from work and finds his roommate with his tongue stuck to the metal pole outside their apartment building. </p><p>Okay, he knew Eren was an idiot, but this was just ridiculous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are Such An Idiot, Eren Jaeger

**Author's Note:**

> I got bored and it was like 3am. Bite me. 
> 
> Lol, so anyways... Yeah. This is really random and I should REALLY just focus on the fics that I'm already working on buuut here are some stupid boys for you! >w<3
> 
> Also, I'm not good at making Eren talk without his tongue so bare with me xD

"You… are a complete and utter _idiot_ , Eren Jaeger," Jean says, dumbfounded. He knew Eren was an idiot- but /this/? This was too much, even for him.

"Thaddup, di'ho'e (dickhole)!" Eren growls, wincing at the pain. Here he was, kneeling on the snowy ground and freezing his ass off. Why? Why, because he got his tongue stuck to the lamppost, of course. What other explanation would there be? "Juth hel' me!"

Jean laughs, holding his stomach and doubling over, nearly losing his balance. Oh man, now that it's all processed, this is waaay to funny to Jean to not do something about it. Not to help Eren, of course. Where was the fun in that? He was going to take advantage of the 10k followers he had on Instagram! Eren always made fun of him for wasting enough time to get that many, but now Jean could say it was all worth it. Even if that just proved Eren's point of him not having a life, but that wasn't the point! He takes out his phone and Eren glares daggers.

"Don' you fucki' dayew(dare)!" Eren growls. Oh, fucking dare Jean will.

Jean smiles innocently at Eren before snapping a picture of him and posting it on his Instagram with the caption: 'came home from work and found my dumbass roommate w/his tongue stuck to the lamppost.' Sadly, he couldn't think of anything clever to hashtag and ended up just posting it as it was. Within a few seconds he was always being bombarded with likes, much to his amusement.

"I'm geng to fuckig ki' you," Eren growls. "Juth go ge' me some ho' wa'er!"

"Sorry, I don't speak idiot," Jean says with a smug grin. Oh, this was too much fun. But Jean's fun was over when he gave him that look that said, 'I am literally going to tear your heart out if you don't do something right fucking now.' He rolled his eyes and told Eren not to move. Which of course just made Eren glare harder. He ran in and to the bathroom, taking out his empty thermos and rinsing it out before filling it to the brim with warmth water. He walked out a moment later and to Eren.

"You want this?" Jean asks. He knew Eren would probably punch him for this the moment he could, so for now Jean was going to enjoy his little reign of power. Eren huffs.

"Yeth, now po'h(poor) it o' my to'gue!… p'eathe(please)," he added. Eren knew that Jean honestly had no idea how fucking painful this actually was. Maybe he'd  _make_ Jean feel it for putting him through this shit. Shove his pretty little French face right into the pole, make him give it a biiig smooch.

Of course, Eren wasn't that mean though. He could restrain hismelf, at least.

"Yeah, yeah," Jean rolls his eyes. He crouched down and slowly poured the water where Eren's tongue was, being careful not to pour it all at once. "If you feel like it's working, try moving your head away from the pole."

Eren makes a noise that resembled "okay," and as Jean continued to let the water pour out in drops and small streams he slowly began trying to move away from the pole. It took at least 30 seconds or so to get Eren off the damn thing, but they did it. Eren cursed loudly when his tongue was finally free, obviously still in pain. It took all of Jean's willpower not to double over with laughter again when Eren could hardly even get his tongue back in his mouth without it stinging.

"Geez, Jaeger, how long were you _stuck_ to that?" Jean asks with a laugh. Eren just glares at him. He was not going to eve attempt to talk until his tongue wasn't on fire. Inside their apartment, Jean hopped onto the couch, pulling out his laptop to find ways to help Eren. As hilarious as this all was, he sort of felt bad for the guy. Plus he wanted to know how the fuck that happened. Just… why. But he couldn't help grinning as he watched Eren with his head in the sink, trying to soothe his tongue with warm water.

* * *

 

About an hour later Jean let himself into Eren's room and plopped down next to him on his bed. Eren glared at him, obviously still pissed.

"So…" Jean starts. "What the fuck happened?"

"Connie," Eren mutters. "He dared me to see if it was true. I told him that it was- I told him! But nooo I had to prove it. Or else I was a chicken."

"So it's mostly because of your own pride and stupidity?"

"Sh-shut up!" Eren grumbles. "That's not the point!"

"When was Connie here, anyways?" Jean asks.

"A couple hours ago," he says. "While you were at work."

"Ahh," Jean hums. "Well, you guys are both idiots, so I guess something like this was inevitable, huh?"

"Fuck _off_ , Kirschtein. Ugh, shit my tongue is still burning. I tried to eat that pizza earlier- damn it hurt! It stung like a bitch."

"Aww, want me to kiss you and make it better?"

"Ugh, you're so nasty," Eren fake gags. "No thank you, asshole." Jean just laughs again.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, the pizza thing was from my own experience. I got my tongue stuck to an ice cube once and then a few hours later I tried to eat a slice of pizza and the sauce hurt like hell, oml.
> 
> Anyways, Comments and Kudos are very appreciated! Any suggestions for other fics are also very appreciated<3 
> 
> Please tell me if I missed any obvious mistakes. Thank you! <3<3<3
> 
> Also I JUST realized that Connie basically just left Eren there for like an hour oml


End file.
